i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
