You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
