I'm drive I can fine osifer
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
