is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
