The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
