We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's official drugs can't kill me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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