i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
