Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
