You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize