farters have to be the big spoon...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
