Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I enjoy the company of your penis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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