i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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