I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
