The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
