so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
