so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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