I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
