Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
