shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
