Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
