i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i came on her dog
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
