everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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