No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
