and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize