If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
