Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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