I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
