Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I deserve this hangover.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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