you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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