VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
