so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
