dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
