headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
