he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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