I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
