my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
