It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
