So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize