hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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