Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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