I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
