Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
