I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
