Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
