he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
