Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
