I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
