Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
id be glad to
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
