No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
well you can't waste a boner
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
