I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
