She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
