i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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