I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
