I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
