I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
