Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
