she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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