can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
