If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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