I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
