The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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