I look better un-naked...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
