I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
