You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
